My ego feels as bad as my back...

So....lifting went really shitty today.  I'll post a couple of videos to prove it....in case you don't believe me.  I was going to push myself a bit to see where I am with things realistically...not 1RM or anything...but just really grit a couple things out.  This is important to me for a couple of reasons: 1) to see what I'm working with having taken 6 months off and 2) I have to be able to push myself when I don't have Mark or my friends around to watch me.  My ego doesn't want to believe that I've become that weak and it doesn't want to be the one that's seen squatting a baby weight (as I refer to it).

About 3 lifts into the day something tweaked in my lower back and there wasn't really much I could do after that.  I tried to push through and do a few more reps, but it just wasn't happening.  I video taped a couple and I am so wobbly.  The weight doesn't feel that heavy to me, but just looking at my form ... it's no bueno.  I did a couple C and J's at 35 lbs...and that was easy.  I video taped a C and J at 45 lbs and that's when my back felt like crap.  I initially didn't think I could even do that weight, but after video review...its not pretty...but I don't even really have to drop down that much to get under it for the jerk.  I did one more C and J at 45lbs with MUCH better form after that, but no video for that one unfortunately.

I switched over to back squat, thinking that it would be less tiresome on my back.  The video I took shows me doing 65 lbs.  It, again, didn't feel that bad, but my left leg compensates a lot for my right one in the video.  Which is odd?  I would think that my left would be weaker.

I decided to run on the treadmill so the rest of the trip to the gym wasn't a waste.  I was pleasantly surprised at how easy that felt.  I am not a runner and I have always hated doing it, but today felt pretty good.  Yay endurance!! :)  I did 20 mins - alternating sprinting and jogging.

So....I guess the moral of the story is that I have to accept the fact that I will have to start light and it's going to take me time to get back to where I was.  I am worried, especially today after being upset about it, that it's going to be very hard to do this on my own.  I get discouraged sooooo easily.

I'll probably have to take a couple days off to make sure I'm on the mend, but maybe Sunday I can back and front squat a little?  We'll see how it goes.